A guide for parents and caregivers
Every child deserves to feel safe at home, at school, online and in their community. Parents can help children recognise harmful behaviour, seek support and treat others with respect.
Your child may experience bullying, witness it or take part in it. In each situation, they need adults who listen, act and follow through.
- Why this topic matters
Bullying involves harmful behaviour, an imbalance of power, and repetition or the likelihood that it will happen again. Power may come from physical strength, age, popularity, authority or having a group behind you.
It can include hitting, threats, spreading rumours, humiliating someone or deliberately excluding them. It can happen online too.
Ragging may be presented as a tradition or a way to welcome newcomers. Humiliation, intimidation and forced activities should never be accepted as the price of belonging.
A single incident of violence or harassment also deserves attention. Children should not have to wait for it to happen again before asking for help.
- How to start the conversation
Choose a calm moment. You could read the Bakteens article together and ask:
What is the difference between a joke and something hurtful?
Do new students feel welcome at your school?
What happens when someone refuses to join a group activity?
Have you seen someone being embarrassed in a class chat?
Which adults would you feel comfortable asking for help?
Avoid demanding names or personal details immediately. Your child may need time to feel safe enough to share.
You could say:
“If something happens to you or someone else, you can tell me. You don’t have to solve it alone.”
- Key points to explain
A joke should not depend on someone’s humiliation
Calling something “just a joke” does not remove the harm. Someone may laugh because they feel nervous or want to fit in.
Difference is never a reason to mistreat someone
Nobody deserves harassment because of their body, skin colour, disability, religion, ethnicity, family income, gender or sexual orientation.
Older or more powerful people must respect boundaries
A senior student, prefect, coach, teacher or relative does not have the right to humiliate, threaten or hurt a child because of their position.
Asking for help is a protective action
Reporting harm is different from trying to get someone into trouble over a small disagreement. A child who asks for help is trying to make a situation safer.
Witnesses can help without putting themselves in danger
Children can refuse to laugh, avoid forwarding harmful posts, check on the person privately and get an adult. They do not have to physically confront someone.
- Creating a home where respect is practised
Look at how adults use power
Children notice how parents treat each other, relatives, workers and strangers. Insults, threats, hitting and humiliation can teach them that power gives someone permission to harm others.
Disagreements happen. Model taking a pause, listening and speaking without intimidation. If you hurt someone, apologise and change the behaviour. We encourage parents to demonstrate the respect and kindness they want children to practise.
Use discipline without violence or humiliation
Explain the behaviour that needs to change and set clear, fair consequences. Avoid hitting, namecalling, public shaming or comparing your child unfavourably with siblings. UNICEF Sri Lanka’s positive parenting guidance supports raising children without physical harm.
Take sibling bullying seriously
Do not dismiss repeated threats, taking belongings or humiliation as “normal sibling behaviour.” Set the same boundaries for everyone at home.
Make disclosure feel safe
Listen without blaming. Avoid automatically taking away a phone when your child reports online harassment; fear of losing access can discourage them from telling you. Agree on protective steps together.
If your child is being harmed
Say:
“Thank you for telling me. This is not your fault. We will work out how to keep you safe.”
Ask what happened and what they fear might happen next. Involve them in decisions, while explaining when adults must act to protect them.
If your child has harmed someone
Take the report seriously. Listen to their account without excusing the behaviour.
Say:
“I love you, and I will help you change this. Hurting or humiliating someone is unacceptable.”
Work with the school to stop the behaviour, set consequences and support change. Do not force the harmed child to meet, forgive or accept an apology.
- 5. A small activity to do together
Read this situation:
“A class chat shares an embarrassing photograph of a student. Several people add insulting comments. Your child’s friend asks them to forward it.”
Ask:
- What harm could forwarding it cause?
- What could your child say?
- How could they support the student?
- Which adult could help?
Practise:
“I’m not forwarding this.”
“Let’s stop sharing it.”
“Are you okay? Would you like me to come with you to speak to a teacher?”
You could also make a small poster together:
“Everyone deserves to belong without being hurt.” Ask your child what actions should go underneath that message.
- How to respond to difficult questions
- What if telling someone makes it worse?
That is a real concern. Let’s choose an adult who will take it seriously and make a plan to protect you from retaliation.
- Should I hit back?
Your immediate safety comes first. Try to get away and find help. You don’t have to stay and fight to prove yourself.
- Everyone went through ragging. Why should I refuse?
Something being a tradition does not make it acceptable. You deserve a welcome that respects your dignity.
- My friend says I’m disloyal if I don’t join in.
Friendship should not require hurting someone. You can refuse and get support if they pressure you.
- What if the person hurting me is a teacher or relative?”
Adults must respect your safety too. Tell another trusted adult. We can seek help outside that setting.
- What to avoid saying
Avoid saying :
Avoid saying : Just ignore it.
Try saying : Let’s understand what is happening and make a plan.
Avoid saying : You need to toughen up.
Try saying : You deserve to feel safe.
Avoid saying : What did you do to cause it?
Try saying : Tell me what happened. I’m listening.
Avoid saying : Boys will be boys.
Try saying : Everyone is responsible for how they treat others.
Avoid saying : It happened to us too.
Try saying : We can stop harmful practices from continuing.
Avoid saying : My child would never do that.
Try saying : ll take the concern seriously and find out what happened.
- When and where to seek support
If bullying happens at school, contact a trusted teacher or the principal. Keep a written record of incidents, dates, witnesses and relevant messages. Ask for a clear safety plan, including how the school will prevent retaliation and when it will update you. Follow up until the harm stops.
For online harassment, help your child report and block the account. Keep relevant message details, but do not circulate humiliating or sexual images.
For child abuse, violence, threats or concerns that are not being addressed, contact the National Child Protection Authority’s 1929 Child Helpline. It is free, available 24 hours a day, and operates in Sinhala, Tamil and English.
Seek medical care for injuries and professional support if distress affects your child’s daily life. If there is immediate danger, get urgent help rather than waiting for a school meeting.
The message your child should hear is:
You deserve respect. You are responsible for treating others respectfully too. When someone is being harmed, we listen and take action.
