“Boys don’t cry.”
“Girls should sit properly.”
“Housework is for girls.”
“The man should be the one who provides for the family.”
“Girls shouldn’t stay out late.”
“A boy shouldn’t be so afraid.”
We hear messages like these from a very young age. They come from our families, schools, religious spaces, the media, social media, and the people around us.
Because we hear them so often, they can begin to seem like natural rules. But many of these ideas have nothing to do with our bodies or biology. They are gender expectations that society has created and reinforced over time.
Sex and Gender Are Not the Same Thing
Sex refers to characteristics related to the body. Sexual and reproductive organs, hormones, and chromosomes are among these characteristics.
When a child is born, they are usually assigned as female or male on their birth certificate based on their sexual characteristics. However, not every human body fits completely into the categories of female or male.
Some people are born with physical characteristics, hormones, or chromosomes that differ from what is typically considered female or male. They are known as intersex people. This is part of the natural diversity of human bodies.
Gender refers to the ideas, expectations, and rules society has created about how girls and boys, women and men, are expected to look, dress, speak, and behave.
Sex is related to the body. But ideas such as “girls shouldn’t speak loudly” or “boys shouldn’t cry” are not biological rules.
How Does Gender Enter Our Lives?
Even before a child is born, pink is often associated with girls and blue with boys. Girls are given dolls and kitchen sets. Boys are given cars, toy guns, and construction toys.
This can prepare girls to care for others and boys to be active and powerful.
A toy does not have a gender. Neither does a colour. What a child likes does not determine their abilities, sexuality, or worth.
At Home
In some families, girls are expected to cook, sweep, serve tea to guests, and look after younger children. At the same time, their brothers may be allowed to play or use the phone.
Boys are also given a different kind of burden. They may be taught that they must be strong, earn money and provide for the family, and never show weakness.
Both expectations limit children.
Housework is not a natural responsibility of girls. Earning money is not the responsibility of boys alone.
Every child should learn how to cook, clean, manage money, care for others, and live independently.
At School
Gender expectations can also affect children’s education.
People may assume that boys are naturally better at science, technology, mathematics, sports, and leadership, while girls are better suited to languages, arts, and caring professions.
A boy who speaks confidently may be described as a “leader,” while a girl who speaks with the same confidence may be called “bossy” or “controlling.”
A boy who speaks softly or enjoys dancing may be teased. A girl who plays cricket or prefers short hair may be told that she is “like a boy.”
No subject, sport, or career belongs to one gender. A girl can become an engineer, a driver, or a cricketer. A boy can become a nurse, a dancer, or a teacher who works with children.
Freedom and Safety
Giving girls less freedom than boys is often described as being about “safety.”
A girl may not be allowed to travel alone, meet friends, or stay outside until late at night. Yet her brother may be given those freedoms.
The violence that girls and women face is a real problem. But the solution is not to make girls’ worlds smaller.
Every child should be taught about safety. At the same time, we need to make public spaces safer and hold people who commit violence accountable.
On Social Media
Old gender expectations also exist within new technology.
Girls may be told:
- Don’t post photos.
- Don’t talk to strangers.
- Don’t express your opinions too much.
- Don’t behave in ways that attract attention.
- If something happens, they may be told, “You should have been more careful.”
Boys may be told:
- Make the first move.
- Keep trying even when a girl says “no.”
- Show that you have sexual experience.
- Talk about girls’ photos or share them with your friends.
- Don’t talk about it if you experience sexual harassment yourself.
Messages like these are harmful to everyone.
Menstruation and Gender Expectations
Menstruation is a biological process that happens in the body. But many of the restrictions surrounding menstruation are created by society.
A girl who is menstruating may be told:
Don’t go into the kitchen.
Don’t go to a religious place.
Don’t touch or eat certain foods.
Don’t wash your hair.
Don’t play sports.
Don’t talk about menstruation in front of boys or men.
Hide your menstrual products.
Now behave like a “good young woman.”
Menstruation does not make someone dirty or impure. During menstruation, people can bathe, wash their hair, eat nutritious food, exercise if they feel comfortable doing so, go to school, and continue with their normal activities.
A girl’s first period should not be a reason to restrict her clothing, movements, friendships, or freedom.
Boys should also learn about menstruation. It is not a secret that belongs only to girls.
There Is No Gender to Emotions
Girls may be allowed to cry, but when they express anger, they may be told that they are behaving badly or inappropriately. Boys may be allowed to express anger, but when they cry, they may be told that crying is “weak” or that it is not appropriate for boys.
As a result, girls may learn to hide anger that they have every right to feel. Boys may be more likely to learn to express emotions such as sadness or fear through anger and aggression.
Sadness, anger, fear, happiness, and love are emotions experienced by all human beings. Emotions have no gender.
Being strong does not mean pretending that you do not feel anything. Asking for help, apologising, and speaking honestly about your emotions are also signs of strength.
Appearance and the Body
Girls are often pressured to be slim, fair-skinned, beautiful, and youthful. Boys are often told that they should be tall, strong, and muscular.
Social media filters, AI-edited photographs, influencers, and advertisements can make this pressure even stronger.
But human bodies are diverse. Skin colour, height, weight, facial features, or other physical characteristics do not determine a person’s worth.
Romantic Relationships and Sexuality
Boys are often expected to initiate relationships, keep pursuing someone, and have sexual experiences.
Girls may be told that they should be attractive but should not openly express their interest in sexuality. Their worth may be connected to virginity, obedience, and family honour.
Both expectations are unfair.
In a healthy relationship:
- Anyone can express their interest.
- Anyone can say “no.”
- Both people can decide their own boundaries.
- You do not have to have sex to prove your love.
- No one has ownership over another person’s body.
- Safe sex is the responsibility of both people.
- Both people should be free to leave a relationship.
Gender Identity
Gender identity is the way a person internally understands and identifies their gender.
Many people identify themselves as girls, boys, women, or men. For some people, their gender identity may differ from the sex they were assigned at birth. They may identify as transgender, queer, or use another term to describe themselves.
However, a girl rejecting society’s rules about what it means to be “feminine” does not automatically mean that she is transgender. A boy who enjoys dancing, cooking, or fashion is not automatically transgender or gay.
You cannot determine someone’s gender identity by looking at their clothes, hairstyle, voice, hobbies, or who their friends are.
Remember, even if we may not fully understand how someone identifies themselves, that should never prevent us from treating them with respect.
Is This a Rule About the Body, or a Rule Created by Society?
When someone says, “Girls should do this” or “Boys cannot do that,” ask these questions:
- Is this rule connected to a biological process of the body?
- Or is it an idea created by society?
- Does it provide equal safety and freedom for everyone?
- Does it give one group more power or freedom than another?
- Who is being restricted, silenced, or punished because of it?
You Don’t Have to Live Inside a Small Box
A girl does not become less of a girl because she lives confidently, independently, openly, and with purpose.
A boy does not become less of a boy because he accepts that he can be gentle, loving, sensitive, or afraid.
There is nothing wrong if a child enjoys things that are traditionally associated with their gender. The problem begins when children are forced to like those things or punished for choosing something different.
Our goal is not to create another set of rules about gender.
Our goal is to give every child the space to understand who they are, choose what they like, respect others, and live without being limited by harmful gender expectations.
