A guide for parents and caregivers
Young people may hear about sex from friends, social media, pornography or school. Parents can help them understand what they hear, recognise pressure and make decisions with accurate information.
This guide is for parents of all teens. Understanding consent, pregnancy prevention and sexual health is a shared responsibility.
- Why this topic matters
Sexual feelings and curiosity can be part of adolescence. Having these feelings does not mean a young person has to act on them.
Your role is to help your child think, ask questions and recognise when they need support. Fear of punishment should not prevent them from getting healthcare or telling you about abuse.
- How to start the conversation
Use short, ordinary conversations rather than one big lecture. You could read the Bakteens article together and ask:
“What do you think making an informed decision means?”
“What messages about sex do young people hear?”
“How could someone tell the difference between wanting something and feeling pressured?”
“Where could someone get reliable information about contraception?”
Do not assume that asking about sex means your child is having sex.
You could say:
“You can ask me questions about sex and relationships. I want you to have accurate information and know where to get help.”
If you feel uncomfortable, acknowledge it:
“We may not have talked about this much before, but we can learn to discuss it.”
- Key points to explain
Feelings do not create an obligation
A person can feel attraction, enjoy affection or be in a relationship without agreeing to sex. They can choose to wait, decide against an activity or change their mind.
Consent must be freely given
Consent means choosing to agree without pressure, threats or fear. Agreeing to one activity does not mean agreeing to everything. A sleeping person or someone too intoxicated to understand what is happening cannot consent.
Help your teen recognise statements such as “If you loved me, you would” as pressure.
Pregnancy prevention matters to both partners
Pregnancy can happen when sperm enters the vagina and fertilises an egg. Puberty can make pregnancy biologically possible long before someone is ready to parent.
Contraception means methods used to prevent pregnancy. Learning about it is important for all teens, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Condoms and other contraceptives have different roles
Condoms reduce the risk of pregnancy and most sexually transmitted infections (STIs) when used correctly and consistently. They do not remove every risk.
Other methods, such as contraceptive pills, implants and intrauterine devices (IUDs), prevent pregnancy but do not protect against STIs. A healthcare professional can explain suitable options.
Sexual health involves more than pregnancy
STIs can spread through vaginal, anal or oral sex. Someone may have an STI without noticeable symptoms. Testing and medical advice are important; appearance cannot tell you whether someone has an infection.
Pornography is not a guide to relationships
Pornography may leave out conversations about consent, protection and comfort. Nobody should feel expected to copy an act or accept something uncomfortable because they have seen it on screen.
Private images can also be used to threaten or exploit someone. Your teen should know they can ask for help if this happens.
- Creating a home where questions are welcome
Model respect for boundaries
Ask before entering your teen’s room, respect their personal space and accept when they do not want physical affection. Everyday behaviour helps children understand that boundaries matter.
Avoid different rules about responsibility
Do not teach girls that preventing pregnancy is entirely their job, or boys that pressure and persistence are signs of masculinity. Everyone is responsible for respecting consent and discussing protection.
Share your values without threats
You can explain your hopes and concerns while listening to your child. Avoid threats about being thrown out, losing family support or “bringing shame.”
Try:
“I want you to think carefully about relationships and your future. Whatever happens, you can come to me for help.”
Make access to information practical
Help your teen identify a trusted adult and a qualified healthcare professional. Allow them to ask questions privately during a consultation.
If they ask about contraception, respond to the health question rather than treating it as a confession.
Respond calmly when something goes wrong
If your teen tells you about unprotected sex, a pregnancy concern or coercion, begin with:
“Thank you for telling me. Let’s make sure you are safe and get the right help.”
Address immediate needs before discussing future decisions.
- A small activity to do together
Read this situation:
“Someone tells their partner, ‘If you trust me, we don’t need a condom.’ The partner feels uncomfortable but worries that refusing will end the relationship.”
Ask:
- Is this a free choice?
- What could the person say?
- What would a respectful partner do?
- Who could help?
Practise a few responses:
Trust includes respecting my boundaries.
I’m not comfortable with that.
I want to stop.
Explain that a person does not have to find the perfect words to deserve respect. Responsibility for coercion belongs to the person using it.
- How to respond to difficult questions
- Does learning about contraception mean you think I’m having sex?
No. You deserve accurate information before you need it. Asking questions helps you prepare.
- Can someone get pregnant the first time?
Yes. The first time does not protect someone from pregnancy. Pregnancy prevention matters whenever there is a possibility of sperm entering the vagina.
- What if a condom breaks or no contraception was used?
Get advice from a healthcare professional as soon as possible. Emergency contraception can prevent pregnancy after sex. Some options can be used within five days, but acting sooner is better. It does not end an established pregnancy.
- What if someone threatens to share a private photo unless I have sex?
That is coercion. You do not owe them sex. You deserve protection, and we can get help together.
- What if I already agreed and then changed my mind?
You can change your mind. Your partner must respect that.
- What to avoid saying
Avoid saying: Good children don’t ask about sex.
Try saying: Questions help you understand and stay healthy
Avoid saying: Boys can’t control themselves.
Try saying: Everyone is responsible for their behaviour.
Avoid saying: Pregnancy prevention is the girl’s problem.
Try saying: Both partners share responsibility.
Avoid saying: If you do this, don’t come home.
Try saying: You can always come to me when you need help.
Avoid saying: Why did you let it happen?
Try saying: Are you safe? What support do you need?
Avoid saying: Having an STI means someone is dirty.
Try saying: An STI is a health condition that needs care.
- When and where to seek support
Help your teen get prompt professional advice after unprotected sex, contraceptive failure or possible exposure to an STI.
After sexual assault, seek medical care promptly, even if there are no visible injuries. Some treatments are time sensitive. Do not delay care while deciding how to respond as a family.
MOH clinic can advise about pregnancy testing, contraception, STI testing and treatment. They can also explain privacy arrangements and any safeguarding responsibilities.
For questions about its educational content, Bakteens lists WhatsApp: 071 801 5702.
The message your teen should hear is:
Your feelings and questions matter. You deserve accurate information, respectful relationships and help when you need it.
